E3 Sucks, Racing Games Suck (Who Would've Thunk It?)

All aboard the E3 Hype Train, where every company (besides Sega) gets major pimpage!  Good time to be a Sega fan!!!  Waiting for that Shenmue 3 announcement!  Waiting, waiting...still waiting.....(in the meantime, Nintendo has already gone through numerous new consoles & franchises...life is fair).

Anyway, I knew E3 was coming but I don't give a crap about it.  And especially after hearing some of the highlights thus far, I'm just flat out pissed.  What else is new.

EDIT: Dafuq happened to this .gif...it literally turned into a .png and doesn't animate anymore.  Stupid blogspot.

First!  I would like to congratulate Microsoft for turning Forza into a Need for Speed clone!  Here we go again...Forza Horizon is set an "open world" (don't you get sick of hearing that?) consisting of farms, canyons, and rural towns.  Driving around in sports cars, dodging traffic.  Hey, where's the cops?  Anyway, there's gonna be "speed shows" complete with trophy girls, drifting, and terrible dubstep.  EDIT: I also wonder what the wrecks will be like.  If it's anything similar to NFS/Burnout then that's a huge demerit IMO.  It's about racing, not smashing "beautifully-crafted metal cages" (according to GameInformer) to bits.

If there's any solace here, it's that it's not made by Turn 10--it's made by Playground Games.  So basically, Microsoft has joined in on EA's antics by using the titular "Forza" name on anything even remotely car-related.  What a joke.  We've had how many Gran Theft Autos, Need for Speeds, Test Drives, Midnight Clubs, Drivers, etc. so far?  Please do tell what this game'll do that the others haven't already.  EDIT: Well it SHOULD use Forza's handling which is leagues better than NFS's, I suppose.  If somehow, this game differentiates itself from the others in a drastic, then I won't be so bitter about this.  I might actually download the demo (oooooo).  Until then, I'm not holding my breath.

Only good news...I save $60 by not buying Forza 5.  Forza 4 gets a TIME EXTENSION!!  Get to keep my Ferraris for longer so I don't have to replay the whole game again to buy 'em all over again...

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BUT THERE'S MORE!!  There's a SECOND racing game announced on the same day.  This one is called Need for Speed: Most Wanted.  Huh, what?  Didn't we already get a Most Wanted?  Yes, we did...in 2005. But since gamers apparently have the attention span of a fruit fly, Criterion and EA decided what the hell--let's use the same name AGAIN!  Seven years later...who's gonna notice?

Seriously, I just looked up "most wanted" on GameFAQs (puke) and these are the results.  They seriously thew in the "(Criterion)" part of the title to differentiate the two.  Think about it--there are TWO NFS: Hot Pursuits on the Xbox 360 now.  And these aren't the same game (like a port/remake), these are two completely different games.  So why couldn't they come up with any other title???  Holy s***balls, this is unbelievable.  First Hot Pursuit, now this.  Originality at its finest.  EDIT: Sega also released two "Sonic the Hedgehog" games on 360/PS3 which is understandable seeing as Sonic 2006 sucked ass.

So what's the game like?  Well, as the natural evolution of games go, Need for Speed is now Burnout.  It's predicable as usual.  You drive around town running from cops.  It's another "open world" (does that mean anything anymore??) where you compete online to accomplish tasks to raise your score and become the "most wanted."  Oh wow, never heard of that concept before.  Not to mention the game's dingy teal/orange hues rear their head again in a vain attempt to appear more "edgy" and "futuristic" although it makes it look less appealing to look at as I can tell from here.

As for the racing, it looks generic as usual.  Run from the cops and overtake your rivals.  Occasionally, you'll knock out another racer/cop and a tame "you took him out" cutscene occurs.  Once again, your car is made out of steel and everyone else's are made out of tinfoil, seeing as you inexplicably take out five/six guys just trying to get away while your Porsche gets a few fender benders but that's it.  Guy hits a ramp and, on-cue, the title screen pops up.  The end, lukewarm applause follows.

FUN FACT: The mini-leaderboards on the lower-left side of screen feature names of English Royalty.  oicwutudidthar...

And one more thing.  Why the hell are there so many cities in racing games???  Didn't we get enough urban driving before in Grand Theft Auto, RR: Unbounded, and so forth?  Cities are great...until you overuse them.  Know what was the most fun I ever had driving around a city?  More fun than I'll ever have in a NFS game?

Exactamundo.

Seriously, I said before that Need for Speed is basically EA's petri dish for whatever concoctions they want to try with the racing genre and once again, I'm proven right.  Basically, they've given NFS over to Burnout since due to the abysmal failures that were Underground & The Run, no doubt the series will turn into Burnout clones in no time.

I'm sorry, guys.  I know some of you are Forza/NFS lunatics but this is pathetic.  While neither game is as egregious as Split/Second or Burnout: Revenge in terms of "car-nage", it's just insulting to know that the racing genre is all nice and cozy doing the same "street tuner" thing (plus wrecks) over and over and over and over again.  Really, I'm not going to sugar-coat this and pretend to be a rabid dog spouting crap laced in a witty fashion--I'm just ripping the band-aid off cause I'm pissed.

"Eric, if you don't like these games, what would you do differently?" - Cut the cliche crap out already.  Make a colorful racing game that has responsive controls for once.  While you can't entirely emulate Sega, there's still things that could make me stop & appreciate more often.  Read this and go away.

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BTW, Microsoft's show sucked too.  No new games, just some rapper guy named "Flo Rida" does a dance show featuring the Kinect.  Seriously, can the Kinect just DIE already?  And as for this horrible hip-hop crap that keeps playing over "pop music radio," I feel really bad for the "true rap" out there.  Yeah, I'm not the biggest rap fan in the world but nowadays, rap has become synonymous with trashy pop music that I'm fairly certain the original rap aficionados are sick of it too.

No....I hate this...

As for the rest of the shows, I don't give a damn.  To conclude, one wonders why do these game devs keep pushing the same crap down our throat even though we reject it?  I'm talking about racing games (for me anyway), the Kinect, World of Warcraft ads, terrible Spike TV/G4 promos, pop music, Call of Duty, etc.  I'm guessing the more of this they throw at you, your "immunities" will break down and you'll succumb to the whole thing.  Like, "oh I give up, I'll buy Need for Speed because I need a racing game" or "oh, I'll buy the Kinect cause it can't be THAT bad" or something.  That's the ONLY explanation I have as to why these things never cease to go away.  What a piece of crap.

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BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS!  According to SegaBITS, Nagoshi-San is at this year's E3!  I'M CALLING IT NOW, he will say NOTHING of importance except maybe to announce another English translation of Yakuza whatever number much to the delight of a couple of thousand Sega diehards.  Wait, that sums up us wanting a new Daytona.  We can't win now, can we?

*walking around E3*

"Who are you?" - generic nerd

"I'm the creative head of Sega!" - Nagoshi-San

"Sega sucks." - generic nerd

" :( " - Nagoshi-San

Now you know why I piss all over E3.  Check for more Sonic & Sega Racing 2 info--that's the only thing I really care about now.  That and NASCAR: The Game 2013.  I love me some NASCAR....

I'M SHO PISHED AWFFF U GAIIISSS!!!