Modern Warfare 3 Roast!!!

Hello everyone, I've been home from school for a few days.  And it wasn't my intention to buy MW3 but my brother did so I figured I'd play it for achievements and tell you what I think.  And I have no idea why I'm talking about this but let's get it over with.

The game is mediocre.  Well, it's not bad but having played through everything (besides online MP but come on man, no more of that), I liked Black Ops and even MW2 better.

So where do I begin?  The campaign.  Alright, so you know the story--Europe and the US are attacked by Russia and Price and Soap and Price hunt Makarov.  Okay, so the storyline is over but the most apparent thing is the game seems less appealing than last time.  Let me explain:

The first thing I noticed is that there's way too many city levels.  Because this is "World War 3,"  you get to run through a ravaged New York, London, Paris, Berlin, and Prague.  You think that's enough cities?  These urban levels seem to make up a grand majority of the game and they all tend to look the same after a while...navigating your way through rubble from destroyed buildings.  Personally, I thought the levels from MW2 were cooler, particularly the Airport (the Spec Ops/MP level, I hated No Russian), the downtown area (fighting on top of Nate's), and the neighborhood.  EDIT: Seriously, there's nearby neighborhoods (Covington/Mandeville, LA) that look just like the ones in MW2.  Ha, bunch of rich snobs who don't know how to drive (terrible traffic in that town).

Another thing weird about the game is the weapon selection.  Many classic weapons are back, such as the MP5, AK47, and Barrett 50 cal but they've all received makeovers.  Please bear in mind that the game takes place in 2020, hence making this "Slightly Futuristic Warfare 3."  Most guns are redone for the 21st century and look like airsoft guns painted entirely black, olive, or brown.  Look what they did to the AK47, come on man, where's the wood?  And then you got even more random guns like the "FMG9" and the "PP90M1" as if some dudes decided to mash together a couple of letters & numbers and call it a day.  What happened to the iconic guns like the Famas, AUG, or even the Tar21??  They don't even seem cool/shiny from a Perfect Dark perspective...they're just weird.

WHAT IS THIS???

And what's this--a gun that uses ketchup squirt bottles as magazines.  I buy it.

This gun is from Perfect Dark, a game leagues better than MW3.

 Another weird thing about this game is the graphics.  So I talked about this before--the game runs at 60 FPS but at the cost of using an old graphics engine.  That's fine by me.  But there's some place where the texturing really sucks.  Like in the Berlin level, next to the gutted office building is this destroyed skyscraper with this single black & white texture which is supposed to resembled shattered glass but it really looks horrible when you stop to focus in on it.  Then there's small doodads like books and beer cans that look pixelated and blocky up-close.  So that's lame.  EDIT: Hell, I even feel MW3 in general has more washed-out hues than MW2...It's probably an Infinity Ward (MW2 studio) vs. Sledgehammer (MW3 studio) thing.  I feel more depressed this time around. 

Remember the Spike VGA's and how MW3 won FPS of the Year?  When I think about Battlefield 3, it should've won purely because it's a detailed game built from scratch but MW3 is obviously rehashed.  So Spike TV sucks but you already knew that.

Enough about graphics--there's the storyline.  I'm only two levels left before I complete this campaign on Veteran and it's rigged with many of the same cliches:

* Character gets in a vehicle such as a truck, tank, or helicopter.  Shoot some guys and stuff.  Then, on queue, it crashes and the character is dazed for 15 seconds as he crawls from the wreckage.  In all honesty, this happens at least once per level.  Hell, the character doesn't even need to be riding in a vehicle to become dazed--he falls or gets hurt somehow regardless.  It gets old.

* Run through the shanty town level!  Instead of Brazil from MW2, it's Africa in MW3 (yes that means shooting lots of black people...very politically incorrect game).  Eventually, while fleeing, you fall through the floor and are forced to take an alternative route to regroup with the team.  EDIT: I think this "fall through the floor" gag happened five times in the game--once in India, twice in Africa, once in France (tank falls through parking garage), and once in the final stage (though that one was deliberate since Price broke the glass floor).

* Price and Sandman (your invincible American ally in MW3) run through the level, killing thousands of bad guys while begging you to keep up as you're bleeding to death.  Meanwhile, the rest of the NPCs are as dumb as bricks.

* Breach through the doors, shoot everyone in slow motion.  Usually need to free some hostage in the process.

* Guy gets injured and you have to carry him to the safehouse/chopper.

* Use some support gadget like the Valkyrie rockets or the UGV once for 30 seconds, never to be used again in the entire campaign.

* STEALTH LEVELS!!!  Basically, use silences and knives to take out the guards that wander off from the path.  Either that or just follow Price.  I'm serious--it's predictable just following Price and moving when he tells you to since you know you'll never get caught.  Riveting stuff there, gentlemen.

* EDIT: S***, there's a tank in the way!!!  Grab the Javelin/Stinger/RPG and take down those tanks ASAP!!

* The "prison island" level from MW2 is back.  Break into the prison to gather some VIP/intel and get out.

* Russian bad guys.  Um, the Cold War ended 20 years ago, didn't it?



Call of Duty huh...COLD WAR'S BACK ON!!!

* Underwater sequence where you plant mines & board a ship/submarine.

* Temporary characters that you play as for just one level then are immediately killed when the level is through (see the Russian hijack level).

* THE EPIC CONCLUSION that pits your character and the antagonist in a fight to the death.  The antagonist is about to win but then some other factor comes into play (i.e. your friend distracts him for a second) and then you take him out by mashing some buttons AKA stabbing/strangling/drowning/headshotting him to death.

* "Edgy" cutscene that involves watching some innocent people die a gruesome death.

I thought "No Russian" was horrible, but I laughed at this.  It made no sense.

 

* This isn't a cliche but it's still confusing to me anyway.  So pertaining to the game's plot, we know that Russia officially invaded the US, right?  Then Makarov planted the dirty bombs around Europe, but why was Russia still okay with this (their men just put on the gas masks and were all fine and dandy like that was part of their plan)?  I thought Makarov and Russia were at odds, seeing at he just kidnapped the Russian President and tried to torture him for the nuke codes???  I don't get it.

* Another thing: Didn't anyone think the Russian plane level was ripped right out of Perfect Dark?  No really, you're on a plane with the President (of Russia, same thing) and it's taken over by terrorists. You kill the terrorists, but not before the plane takes a dive into a tundra.  Then you walk around in the winter wonderland and the wrecked fuselage and save the President.  But MW3 doesn't involve aliens or human clones so minus 20 points, Activision.

* Also, the level in Somalia with Price, Soap, and Yuri driving the jeep along the beach...didn't that remind anyone of that beach level from Time Crisis 3?  EDIT: And the helicopter sequence, just like the heli level from Time Crisis 4???

EDIT: It just dawned on me.  Speaking of cliches that is...how come some gadgets were never used in the Campaign or Spec Ops?  How about using throwing knives, claymores, or heartbeat sensors to take out enemies?  Seriously, remember pissing around in Goldeneye N64 with throwing knives (Bunker 2) and mines (Caverns, Facility, you name it)?  I don't think I've ever used those ONCE throughout the entire MW3 campaign.  Also, I think you used the riot shield only once but that was lame.

No really, maybe I'm just QQing but in the end, the Campaign mode is just a test of my patience.  Killing hundreds of nameless Russians so I can move up and "trigger" my teammates to move forwards with the next sequence?  I'm not a big fan of scripted sequences.  On Veteran, it gets worse since you have to play peek-a-boo with the AI since you can get downed quicker than a dime hooker so you have to stay in cover and heal whenever you can.  Why I still continue to play these Call of Duty campaigns on Veteran...for tradition's sake I suppose.

Read a great article that was once posted on Kotaku.  Basically, Call of Duty just holds your hands the whole way.

Do whatever this man says!

Now, what about the REST of the game?  Spec Ops, I don't even give a rat's ass about anymore.  Basically, they took the same stages you ran through in Campaign but added alternative objectives.  Seriously, some levels you're walking "backwards" from the original level, so it's kind of a cheap way to make a stage.  Recycle assets whenever you can, that's the ticket for all you game devs.  We'll notice but will we care?  Not many of us...

But forget about Spec Ops for a second--I'm mostly talking about Survival mode.  It's basically Modern Warfare's response to Zombies and it's not bad.  You're dropped in one of the sixteen multiplayer maps as stronger enemies flood into the level.  You can buy items from boxes & stuff.  While this is a fun diversion, it's not as "creative" as Zombies since all the devs really needed to do was take a multiplayer level and add three item boxes to it.  That's all.  Some levels are more difficult than others but only because the game spawns stronger enemies at an earlier stage.

Since I already got the "Survive to Wave 15 on all Survival maps" achievement, I guess I'll give you a few tips.  Don't buy new weapons--just take the MP5, AK47, ACR (Remington, rofl), or FAD, buy a red dot, and hang on to it until the next weapon appears.  Make it your goal to buy an LMG (I use the PKP Pecheneg cause it has a cool name) with a Red Dot & Grip.  Buy two Sentry Guns and place their backs to the corner so that no one can sneak up on them.

Every 5th round (or close to it), the game will send in choppers and/or Juggernauts.  My advice is, before the round, buy body armor and flashbangs.  Then move the sentry guns inside so the choppers can't destroy them.  Once the round begins, try to kill the regular soldiers & dogs early to get them out of the way.  While inside (to avoid machine gun fire), throw a flashbang on a Juggernaut, run up and shoot him in the face with your LMG.  When he comes to, run away and repeat.  Then shoot the choppter until it dies.  Once I have my two LMGs and sentry guns, I buy riot squads, perk care packages, and air strikes.  And that's about it until the game sends in the whole Chinese army to kill you and that's when I give up (usually around Wave 25 or so).

Really, judging from the way Survival mode went, I'm just not as into this game as I was Black Ops or even MW2.  The guns and the MP maps just seem bland for me.  I never want to talk about this game anymore and if you bought it for your kids for Christmas, then you're just an idiot so go bring it back right now...

REVIEW SCORE: 1*10^-10000 out of 10.  bro I'm so cool for dissing mw3 rofl

So why am I still playing this game despite not liking it?  It's like drugs, man...

EDIT: Just beat the entire MW3 campaign on Veteran.  There were no "impossible" parts so it was quite easy.  I'm thankful since as a busy game designer, I don't have time for frustrating, time-consuming things (I get that in droves from programming alone).  But really, my life suddenly has meaning cause I beat MW3 once and for all.

And I'll leave the wonderful multiplayer rant on this (not my video):

Gun pics from Call of Duty Wiki.