Today's LoL's Of The Week (Bizarre, Kotaku, FPSes That Suck)

Because it's been a while since I've ripped something.

But let's start with the good news.  Sumo Digital picks up Bizarre Creations' ex-lead designer.  I've said this before and I said it now--MAKE IT HAPPEN, SEGA!  Sega/Sumo Digital should pick up Bizarre Creations.  Pick up these people cause they have some know-how when it comes to racing games.  Keep these people away from Criterion or Raw Thrills and go pwn the bastards, rofl.  Lol at Criterion and Raw Thrills, they just screwed themselves.

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Kotaku, the (annoying) game blog site, has decided to change to a new format where parts of the screen are static and others are not.  Anyway, I don't like it and neither do a lot of people.  According to UK Resistance, Kotaku's average daily hits have dropped from 2 mil to less than 0.5 mil, beginning January 11.  ROFLMAO!!!

I look at Kotaku feeds from my Blogspot, I don't actually go to the website itself so it's a win-win for our side.

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All these FPSes coming out.  Well, there's this one coming out called Rage.  It's made by Bethesda Softworks, same people who brought you Fallout 3.  I know about this game thanks to the front-page GameFAQs ad.  Now they show this picture of this disturbing mutant guy which I will not directly post here (click here to see tha homie).  Now wait--what's the appeal of this game again?  Another post-apocalyptic adventure/FPS game with macabre environments and enemies?  Wait, I want to play this?  No, I don't.

Same thing to all you other new FPSes out there.  Bulletstorm, Brink, Killzone, etc.  I almost feel that these over-the-top, "herrdcarrr" FPSes are just trying to melt my brain.  Will I buy it?  No, no, no, no, stop trying to one-up Black Ops cause you're all jealous that a normal, contemporary FPS is whooping your ass.  See Goldeneye and Counter-Strike, other FPS classes that don't resort to crazy-ass scenarios.  So LOL at you game developers, keep making FPSes, so original...

EDIT: Speaking of which, about a month ago, Bulletstorm made a parody game of Call of Duty called "Duty Calls."  It portrays CoD as piss-boring with a linear campaign and lame storyline.  Now I do agree that the single-player kind of sucks, but it's all in good fun.  I think it's rather funny cause it nails many FPS campaign cliches, but the whole "Sergeant Super Duper Extreme Person" titles are probably made up by some Red Bull-drinking WoW nerd who pulled an "epic" 30-man raid all last night.  Or something like that.  Bulletstorm also parodied Halo too, WTG guys.

I also have a lot more respect for Halo now since you can make a futuristic FPS without it being disgusting to look at so yeah.

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Billy Mitchell opens a little hole-in-the-wall arcade at the Orlando airport.  Rofl.  In case you didn't know, Billy Mitchell is this old gamer dude who set a bunch of world records on old arcade games like Pac-Man.  Well, his greatest claim to fame is getting the record for Donkey Kong, though that was up for debate from sources like these.

This arcade has a few murals of Donkey Kong and what other games does it have?  Fast & Furious: Super Bikes and Dead Heat.  Yeah, great arcade.  No old arcade games either, nothing with a "kill screen."  Wow, greatest arcade I've ever been to.  Lol, Billy Mitchell.

Stick to the hot sauce.

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EDIT: Oh, and one more Lol's.  So my brother owns House of the Dead 2 & 3 for Nintendo Wii with those Wii-gun controllers.  Because this is on the Wii, the aiming already sucks as it is but I have to cope with it anyway.  I start playing through 2 with the blood on red and oh man...lol's everywhere.  Wonderful voice acting, nightmare fuel, guys hitting you in the face with axes/chainsaws, doesn't get any better than this, Sega.  Lol at this entire game.

Stick to Time Crisis, at least you can dodge incoming projectiles.  Wait, this is the second time I said "stick," my bad.  EDIT: NVM, this game doesn't suck, we love you Sega.  Read about my HotD2 experience.